Picking up your own tab

Sending a poorly behaved child out of class to be "chewed out" by a non-relational deputy head might feel like the right thing to do in the moment, but behaviour support is counter-intuitive. The emotional pull to seek an instant consequence higher up the chain is real, but doing so actually works against what you are trying to achieve. Of course we want the boss to help. Agreeing what that help will look like is so important.

Each time you send a child to another member of staff to "deal with their behaviour," you risk undermining your authority and your relationship with that child. From the child’s perspective, they begin to believe that you cannot handle them—you might have even said as much out loud. Your authority is not transferred temporarily, as you might hope, but permanently. If the child realises that another adult holds the power, makes the decisions on consequences (despite not being there), and can even override your decision-making, your authority slowly ebbs away. 

The trick is not to stop asking for support from senior leaders or experienced colleagues; it is to ensure they stand alongside you and allow you to decide what happens next. Sometimes they will need to support you by removing a child to provide them with the space and time to regulate. During this time, nobody else should speak to the child about the incident or who said what to whom, as this can lead the child to think they are "getting away with it." 

"Picking up your own tab" means that you are the one who will ultimately speak to the child about their behaviour. You need support that grants you the time and space to do that. For instance, the person arriving to help could take the class for a few minutes or help regulate the child through a "walk and talk."

If there is a "sofa of shame" outside the Head’s office with grumbling miscreants waiting to "see the boss," you have a behaviour problem.

Shifting authority back to the class teacher isn’t about senior leaders abdicating responsibility; it is about ensuring the child has absolute clarity regarding who is in charge of the lesson.

Paul Dix 2026