Prior to implementing relational practice, our school culture was characterised by reactive behaviour management. There was a tendency towards raised voices and an expectation that children should simply 'behave' and comply with adult instructions. We hadn't fully considered the emotional and experiential 'baggage' that many of our children brought with them to school each day, nor how this impacted their capacity to engage and regulate.

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As a Headteacher, my journey towards relational practice began during my counselling training, where I was learning about brain development and the neurological impact of trauma and stress on children. This knowledge came into sharp focus when I attended Paul Dix's presentation at Lewisham Council chambers in January 2019. After reading When the Adults Change, Everything Changes and watching Paul's video demonstrations, I knew we needed to take action. We arranged for Pivotal Education to conduct a behaviour health check in March 2019, which marked the beginning of our transformation.

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We aspired to create an environment where all children genuinely wanted to engage in learning and could enjoy their school experience. I hoped that staff would develop a less emotionally reactive approach to challenging behaviour, moving away from taking children's actions personally. Fundamentally, I wanted our children to feel safe and experience a true sense of belonging, whilst simultaneously reducing staff stress and emotional burden.

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Our transformation has been a gradual process, and we recognise that we're still very much on this journey. Following our initial behaviour health check in March 2019, we encountered some resistance from staff who wanted traditional 'punishment' and 'sanctions' – particularly from me as the new headteacher.

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We invested considerable time in helping staff manage their own emotional responses, recognising that children's behaviour shouldn't trigger adult anger. Through a series of INSET sessions over an extended period, we worked through the principles in Paul's book and analysed video examples together.

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We began with three core rules: Ready, Respectful, and Safe. From this foundation, we gradually developed our 'Behaviour Blueprint', adding elements over time including:

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• Hot Chocolate/Freeze Pop Friday

• Consistent meet and greet routines

• Micro-scripts for common situations

• Structured take-up time

• Postcards home celebrating positive behaviour

• Restorative conversations

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This has been a long-term commitment, and we acknowledge we haven't reached our final destination. Some elements were straightforward to implement – the three rules and Freeze Pop Friday, for instance – but maintaining consistency and embedding practices has proved more challenging. Sustaining momentum requires ongoing attention and regular revisiting of our core principles.

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We've continued to develop our relational approach through whole-staff training with our local Educational Psychologist, which has been particularly valuable for inducting new staff members. We recognise the need to revisit our Behaviour Blueprint regularly and re-energise practices such as the postcards home system.

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A significant milestone came in January 2025 when Ofsted graded our Personal Development as Outstanding – a testament to the impact of our relational approach on our school community. They said in the report:
 

“This is a warm and welcoming school. Parents and carers typically describe it as ‘part of the community’ where staff carefully consider the needs of their children. Pupils feel safe and are kept safe. If pupils have concerns, they know there is a trusted adult they can talk to who will listen and deal with any problems appropriately. Pupils are kind to each other and to the adults in school. They follow the three rules of ‘be ready, be respectful and be safe.’ The school helps pupils identify and manage their feelings.” OFSTED 2025
 

My advice is simple: commit to this approach but be patient with the process. Sustainable cultural change takes time, and that's perfectly acceptable - be a tortoise not a hare!

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This has been the most impactful initiative I've had the privilege of leading in a school. I genuinely believe Paul Dix's work is transformative – and as I rather embarrassingly admitted to him last Friday, he's something of a hero of mine!